Deep thoughts with Tessie

Just in case you missed my should've been produced by Lifetime *LIVE* NYE broadcast on my favorite mantras from last year that I aspire to bring into 2018...I decided to post and reflect on them one month into the new year.  I hope they bring peace, light, and encouragement to you.  I would love to hear your favorite mantras and thoughts / reflections on mine. 


The Mindful Meditation app, headspace, has absolutely changed my mindset/thought process and helped tremendously in coping with my anxiety.  It was everything I was looking for / crying out for during panic attacks.  I have had such painful hardships come up this season and although I have experiences of deep hurt and pain - my anxiety has been at an all-time low - almost absolute. The fear that had total control over my life in the past and moments of distress and angst have been replaced with true compassion, grace, love, and clarity in my thoughts and outlook.  It's been such a beautiful surrender of peace and made a world of difference in my life and feeling like myself.  If you haven't tried Headspace yet, I invite you to try it out asap! ;) You have nothing to lose and so much to gain IMHO! 


Last year, I was in a state of being totally burnt out and repeatedly expressed to loved ones how I didn't feel like myself.  This became very clear personally when I found myself comparing myself to others in a very negative way thus becoming preeeeetty insecure in my personal, work and romantic relationship(s).  As someone who receives the most joy and contentment out of life genuinely encouraging others and complimenting their uniqueness that makes them individually beautiful (inside + out) finding myself comparing myself to others that I would usually be so eager and excited about lifting up - it was a very low point of my life.  A low point that thankfully I was aware of and able to address and grow from.  Again, with Headspace, and taking time off from traveling/work to re-connect with myself and loved ones - I am getting to a healing, growing, place of total "Tessence" aka back to feeling like and in love with myself - setting me up to joyfully and genuinely express love, support, and uplifting encouragement to others. :)  
I do want to add that something that has been highly helpful in the lack of unhealthy compassion was stepping away from my personal instagram and facebook accounts.  I haven't been on either since that very low point in my life - and I honestly, haven't looked back.  I have an admin facebook account with no friends lol in which I run my blog/business page from as well as an instagram for the blog where I am following less than 20 people on.  I can't tell you how astronomical it has been to not have everything and every opinion of what over 2000 people are doing/feeling every day.  I also can't tell you how very connected I have felt with those I love and care about.  I have also reached out to have coffee with more people than ever and not felt overwhelmed in meeting with even new friends.  Instead, I am eager and look forward to meeting with them, where before I honestly felt like "I just want to stay in bed - I hope this gets canceled." LOL - honestly, tho! It's not that I don't love seeing what friends/acquaintances are doing every day - and I still have quite a bit of people I haven't been able to connect with personally yet, but it has been so much more rewarding and lovely to hear about what's going on with them over the phone or coffee. :)  I really recommend "curating" your feed to what fulfills, uplifts, and doesn't cause strife/comparison in your life, and with that - take away the "taking it personally" if someone unfollows you.  Trust me, I am not following a lot of people I love, look up to, and care about and that is OKAY!!  I can connect with them in other ways and sometimes even have the baby/life experience pics personally sent to me via text message - it's magical!


"When did you last take any time to do nothing?" - Andy Puddicombe, Headspace
When I was at this very low point of my life, I reached out to a friend I had worked with on commercials who I thought was super cool and especially cool since she openly talked about her anxiety alongside her beautiful instagram images.  Jessica Zanotti was one of the first people I reached out to in a desperate cry in regards to coping with my anxiety. Of course, the timing was perfect, as even in the depths of painfully low times in life - God/the Universe has things fall into place as Jessica was about to launch her Holistic Health Coach Practice (more on this tomorrow as I will be posting a Dream Job profile featuring Jessica and her services!)  
Jessica recommended Headspace and of course, it was everything I had been looking for and crying out for in regards to coping with anxiety and panic attacks.  After listening to Andy's voice during the free 10 day trial of Headspace, I had to look up what Andy looked like lol and with the Google search found his Ted Talk.  I cried watching the Ted Talk, as I had never had anyone explain or break down the experiences of having anxiety control your life be so relatable.  I had also recently written an e-mail to a loved one and what I had expressed in the e-mail and what Andy shared in his Ted Talk pretty much paralleled each other - a great encouragement for me that I was on the right path of healing and growth. Check out the Ted Talk below - it's a fascinating insight of anxiety and true hope for coping and being aware of thoughts, an incredible introduction to being mindful. 
PS...I'm 31 hours and 216 sessions into my Headspace journey and WHOA I am a new person alongside feeling more like myself than I have ever felt.  Funny how that works out...


Sitting with emotions and processing feelings (including the painful ones) is incredibly tough and overall not the most fun thing you can do with your time.  BUT in my experience of sitting with my emotions, digging deep and processing painful situations - that's where my growth and compassion has come from.  I still have deep moments of sadness and pain honestly, daily - but I acknowledge them, sit with them, and truly feel them - and it has made this process of healing actually happen!  It's a work in progress but I am so grateful I have made the time to actually process and grow, and not distract myself via work or other activites that would take away from this healing and growth becauase, let's be honest the "issues and problems" each and everyone of us have - are always going to be there and come up again - until we acklowedge, sit, cope, and grow from / with them.


Last year, I said to those closest to me at different times "I feel broken."  Of course, they reminded me of who I was in my heart and told me I wasn't broken, I was just going through hardships.  I personally, STILL felt broken though, since I was in no way leading a balanced life with all my traveling and constantly being away and on limited quality time with my loved ones.  As this beautiful Japanese proverb reminds us, with brokenness comes repair and typically when we are repaired (especially with gold - ooooooh la la) we come out friggen' STRONGER and better than ever - stay GOLDEN babies!! 


Yo, I don't have to explain to anyone how apologetic I have been my entire life - I was the QUEEN of I'm sorry - I should have had it tattoo'd on my face I said it so much.  I don't even know why or how I developed this habit - but it's a habit I've had and I phrase I relied on since my childhood.  I would be apologetic even in the most enjoyable circumstances, for example when giving a gift to someone (Oh, sorry it took me so long to give this to you or sorry it isn't wrapped beautifully...) WHAT THE HECK?! WHY!? What are we sorry about and why are we always apologizing?!  Last year, I became more aware of this and reminding others when I heard them apologize for something they didn't need to apologize for/out of habit I would say "What are you apologizing for? You didn't do anything wrong or do something intentionally or that hurt me."  This helped make me more aware of how much people apologize and served as a reminder for myself as well - but my "I'm sorry" habit is just now starting to break.  I took notice of this in January of the new year when I observed how much stronger and confident I had become in establishing boundaries and taking care of myself - in return, gaining balanced control of living in my daily, present life.  In any and all relationships, work, friendships, family, romantic, even with yourself - unless you intentionally did or said something with the intention of harming another individual - let's stop apologizing - and let's be okay with being ourselves - giving ourselves and others grace to be themselves.  Freedom comes from being unapologetically YOU!! 


Ahhhhh, what a beautiful statement of compassion and grace.  When I've had relationships end or when someone has hurt me - I, of course, got advice on both sides (i.e. "Shut them out of your life." or "Oh we all deserve grace and second chances.")  Both sides are appreciated because they come from someone's heart and a place of experience in what has helped them in similar situations.  I know I have quite a sunny disposition and I am the first to believe the best in people and that everyone has goodness to give.  This isn't always the best thing in protecting yourself or your heart - being vulnerable can tend to lead to heartache and disappointment in means of expectations and such - but being open, vulnerable, loving, and compassionate is the side I choose to lean on.  And who I am to expect anything from anyone else?  I have no control over anyone but I do have control over myself and dealing with situations in a hopeful graceful, loving, compassionate way.  My life coach and dear friend, Leah Hart (the last name fits her so well - the woman is FULL of so much love with an explodingly beautiful heart) asked me what I wanted to  be known for at the end of my life aka "The Tessie Legacy." 
I expressed I would like to live my life encouraging others by "...helping facilitate the ability for other people to see their own unique piece of the divine shining through themselves."  
I loved the above mantra legacy statement from Liz Newman about giving love "whether you deserved it or not." because aren't we all doing the best we can in this life and who are we to judge or decide who deserves anything less than grace and love?!


Another gift from my dear friend, Leah Hart, the sharing of Hawaiian Ho'oponopono prayer.  Oh, it is so beautiful, and helpful in any times of struggle within yourself or other people/situations.  The prayer is something you can keep repeating again and again for peace, comfort, direction and as a prayer for love, healing, clarity, and peace.  It has been helpful in my darkest times and I love the simplicity in it's truth.


Alright, the truth is, life is always going to have hardships and to quote one of my best friends after a major shift in her life "At the end of the day, it's just me and God."  That's all we got and my GOODNESS it's a dynamic and enchanting duo - the best of the best if you ask me.  Freedom in love and never-ending opportunity for grace, growth, joy, and contentment.  My mama, Cath, always says "Happiness depends on the happenings in your life. Contentment depends on the content of your life."  I'm focusing on the content of my life - and it begins and ends with me. I've listened to numerous hours of podcasts, spiritual books, devotions, and mediations over the last three months (and my life!)  They all parallel each other in a sense of people went through a hardship and were always looking for happiness. After experiencing the deepest pains and hardships they discovered the ability to be happy and free was always available and is only available in yourself. It starts there and from there, love, grace, encouragement, compassion all starts to flow from you to give to others. :) No matter if you are in a caterpillar, cocoon, or butterfly year - know I'm lifting you up and you are not alone in this life on your journey.  If you are reading this it is likely you have helped and blessed me on my life journey, and for that, I truly thank you!

Cheers to an incredible year and love and light my dear friends!